Heblayo Told Me ..

I write to Discover myself , learn myself and accept it as it is .
Will you Come with me on this journey?

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Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Muslim Version || Spoken Word

mashaAllah!! I was just watching this with a friend and was blown away but I just realised now that it’s one of my friends who performed this.

Kamal is amazing! mashaAllah may Allah (SWT) reward him greatly for speaking truth.

Fear none, but One.

(via sincerelymona-deactivated201401)

You know at some point in our lives , we all loose someone - a family member , a friend, a loved one and we mourn their loss. Some of us feel resentful towards life, we ask why ? why them ? . We put an argument together for why it shouldn’t have been them - She was too young , She had her life ahead of her , he has 4 kids , His wife was pregnant, Who will fill their shoes? what about the people they left behind ? who will support them ? .

Such simple creatures us humans are. Did we not know Death has no time or place ?. It doesn’t care how old  or how young we are. it does not bother with how much responsibility we have or how many people rely on us. It does not realize the great people we could’ve all become if we had a few more years. It is an event waiting to happen , no exemptions whatsoever. We all know it but …. Such Naive creatures we humans are

But then again is it not selfish how we mourn their loss? . We mourn their existence in our lifes , their contributions to OUR happiness, their support and love for us , we worry how no one will fill the place they had in our lives - we simply mourn OUR loss. And did we really expect them to live forever? Are we in such denial that we fail to accept the #1 truth known to mankind since forever. Oh but we all knew it was coming , we just didn’t expect it so soon right? 

And why are we so sad really ? We will meet again , maybe in a few hours , few days, a year or a decade from now maybe. we have not really lost them forever. It is merely time that seperates us from them. Every second that goes by we are yet closer to being reunited with them. So can we not loose hope on life ? Can we not be selfish ? Can we learn to be more accepting to the unavoidable? But more importantly can we pray for them ? pray that their journey is peaceful, pray that they have a safe flight, pray their place of stay is beyond any luxury we have known , Pray that they are recieving the best kind of treatment possible and they are at peace. 

Death is an event waiting to happen, no exemptions whatsoever.

I remember him from Kindergarden , We used to ride the same bus and we lived in the same neighbourhood. Over time we became friends , we started sharing lunches and saving seats for one another. As we grew older we slowly grew apart. We moved to a different neighbourhood and we were no longer bus buddies. fastforward a few years and we were in highschool , he was dating one of my bestfriends. She was the sweetest girl ever , the kind of person any guy would be lucky to have . They were the cutest couple ever and he treated her like she deserved , A queen she was in his eyes. They were going to get engaged after he was done with his A levels. I was happy for them , especially her. Finally his exams were over , it was the day of his last exam and he was sure he aced it . That night him and his friends decided to celebrate . Before he went out with his friends he made a quick stop at her place and left his cell phone with her , it was strange but she didn’t really think about it and just before he left he said as a joke ” If anything happens to me I want you to have it ” .she laughed it off and didn’t give it much thought. 
That night he died in a car accident , he wasn’t driving and they werent speeding but it was simply God’s will and his time to go.

His name was Siyaam and he was 18 years old .  He passed away on the 6th of June 2006. May Allah Have mercy on his soul , May he Rest in peace and be granted the greatest of Heavens. It’s been over 5 years now since he’s gone but I can still remember his face like it was only yesterday that I saw him . You are in my prayers Siyaam :(

I dont think I’ve been this happy in soo long. It almost feels like it’s the first time all over again . Even after 4 years together , he still manages to make me feel like I’ve just met him. The butterflies, the nervous giggles, the goosebumps , The warm feeling of emotions just filling up your heart. And just when I thought I’ve reached the maximum I had to offer he always finds a way to make me realize how much more I have to offer.  I feel like I love him a little deeper everytime, I can almost feel my heart expand in my chest .I notice it’s always the little things that count the most . The simple text late at night to make sure you’re aiite after you’ve had a rough day . The funny faces and singing just to make me smile. The beautiful messages in my inbox early in the morning. I really couldn’t ask for anything else. To know that someone loves me that much feels so magical . It’s so beautiful what we have .
Alhamdulilah for such a great gift . 

Last night as my mom , the maid and I sat watching tv. My mom mentioned how 2 girls were raped a few days ago by 3 guys on their way home .The maid instantly jumped in and said

 ”They knew the guys , they didn’t just get kidnapped and raped , so they deserve what happened to them”.

 Before I could respond , my mom was already at it :

 ” Just because they knew them does not give them the right to rape .Would you be okay with getting raped just because you were out with a guy ?.  No one deserves to be raped and those men should be sentenced for life”.

It was only then I realized how Rape and teen Pregnancies have become fairly common over the last few years in this part of the world. 

I cannot even begin to put my frustration into words when it comes to rape. But when in Somalia, Rape takes on a whole new dimension. Rape in Somalia is a quick way to make money for some. You are probably wondering how ? . Let me Introduce you to the Clan Ideology : If any harm happens to you , your Clan serve as your Justice system.There will be a meeting with the victim’s clan Seniors and the Offenders clan seniors. They will discuss the amount of damage caused and the most suitable ruling. Usually the only suitable ruling is a certain sum of money set by the Victim’s Clan. So when a girl does get raped , the rapist does not get punished in any way or form. However the two clans have a sit together and decide on the number of dollars to be payed as a form of compensation.Now here’s the interesting part .This so called compensation for the girl never makes it into her hands , However it is divided among the Clan members and the closest it get’s to the lawful recepient is through her father . A mere 2-4% of the actual compensation.the offender always walks away free of charge with a simple scolding not  to repeat the offense so as his Clan do not have to pay anymore money. Behold the Clan/tribe Ideology!!!!. That is only One of the many reasons why Rape is so frequent around this place. Another reason being that very thinking so many people share ; TURNING THE VICTIM INTO THE CULPRIT.  

"Oh why was she out after 9pm" .

" why was she with a guy in the first place" .

" Why was she walking in that part of town alone" .

" Why was she dressed in that manner" 


I just don’t understand these statements. Nobody wants to be raped . It could happen to anyone really . It could happen at 12pm noon, to a woman dressed like a ninja. It is society that is messed up for trying to make excuses for such kind of people. Why not make excuses for the victim instead. Why not Question the offender’s behavior. Why not for once put aside all the sexism and Just say right from wrong.

About a year ago I did a post on teen girls burning themselves for what I considered silly reasons .[ here’s the post ]. Back then Rape was not so common, However there was a reasonable number of teen pregnancies.

Back in march this year I was assigned to the Gyn/Obs ward at the general Hospital in town , we did 6 days a week , 7 hour shifts for 3 months. The one thing that caught my attention during that period was the number of little girls that were coming in pregnant. Before this time , I was only familiar with the daily gossip that went around town but what I was not aware of was the actual scale of this issue.But what made this even more interesting is how when they were asked about the father of the child , Most of them responded in the same manner :

He refused to claim responsibility for the child and is in no way planning to be a part of this. 

Most of these girls were lured in with dreams of being married and finding her happily ever after. They were all promised love and support , only to be used and dumped. For those of you that are sitting there thinking “Oh well she did consent to it ,She should take responsibility for it .” Isn’t the fact that she is going through with the pregnancy while still in school enough proof of her owning up to her mistake. But my question is why not place the same harsh stigmas on the other person involved,Afterall it was not a pen that impegranated her. It is that guy you make excuses for time and time again

" Oh he was young and naive" .

” He will grow to be a fine gentleman” .

"She seduced him into it , he would never have done it otherwise" 

this is just very random and unimportant, but I feel better after writing down whatever it is that is on my mind so here goes: 

Ramadan is coming to an end with a day or two left depending, and this was my first Ramadan away from my Dad and my aunt and without having the whole family there. I guess that affected all of my siblings and I . You could just sense that feeling of something missing around the house . Umm I haven’t been going to taraweeh or tahajuud either . Simply because I do not really “trust” the mosques around here. A few days ago I noticed how the Imam made a mistake while doing the Du3a and many people did not even notice so yaeh.

Everyone is so much more irritable than they were . It’s just the whole atmosphere is so tense really . I wish there was someone I could just talk to about everything and not end up feeling like an insane person or worse have them judge me . But Instead I choose to put it out there for the world to see [see the irony ??] . eh and we have this trip coming up over the next week or two and Im not even interested in going anymore . 

It’s so hard trying to put on a smile for everyone else and trying to convince them I’m fine when I obviously am not. I mean I don’t even know why I do it . Maybe it’s because I just don’t want people constantly asking what’s wrong..it’s hard when I have to explain why I am the way I am .Sometimes I don’t even Know myself . I wish I could say this to some people : If you really genuinely care about my well being , sit with me in silence, tell me a joke or two or the latest news.Tell me you are there for me whenever but please do not ask me why, when or how. And to those I expected would be there but weren’t ; Thank you for your absence , I have lost whatever form of respect I had for you.

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
Honore de Balzac. (via aumlicious)

As I walked home tonight , I just could not help smiling . It all started with a pair of flipflops and then all of a sudden it hit me; I was not the same person I was a few years ago . I was walking home 9:30 pm in my abaya paired with the most hideous pair of flipflops and a random hijab . No accessories , No make up and a cellphone that would leave me a social outcast . But I couldn’t care less - this was the simpler me. 

Coming from the middle east my idea of presentable or beautiful went along the lines of having the latest abaya [the tighter , the more eye catching the better] . A pair of high heels and a purse that made you literally worth a few thousand dollars, Not to mention the popular camel hump and all the accessories and make-up. Being stuck in that kind of society for as long as I remember, it is bound to rub off to some degree .

Four years later and being pulled out of that lifestyle into a much simpler one , I realized it’s really not about the money. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it isn’t important - OFCOURSE IT IS !!!!  but the thing is all our wants are not needs , they are not necessities.You do not have to flash your parents hard earned money to feel worthy because at the end of the day it is not you they are admiring but all the gadgets and extras.

I thought there was no life out of my little bubble , I thought people could not be happy in such circumstances. But on the contrary they are . To them this is the life they grew accustomed to . They do not complain , they do not whine all day. They make the best out of it and acknowledge the fact that there are those worse off. I understand them, I applaud them really . It is from them that I have learned to humble myself , to be who I am without all the decorations and lighting . 

It is very refreshing to not have to keep up with the Al-[insert khaleji family name here] anymore. I can walk the streets in my flip flops, abaya and mismatched hijab and still feel like the prettiest of them all .

I cannot hate someone for their sins. Hate is a strong word to describe a certain feeling. I rather want to know what their story is , what was /is their circumstances. How does it affect them.

I’d like to sit down with those people society has shunned , the outcasts, the minority . I would love to know you all better, I would love to help you through your bad days. Sometimes all it takes is  simply recognition. Understand that this person is human before all. It is not their sins that define them . It is not one set of acts that tell you who they are. If God judged us as harshly as society did, we would have all been deemed to hell with no exception. 
If I was to hate everyone who sinned , I would have hated all of mankind. 

dsgoldenthoughts replied to your post: Am I the only one who thinks Somali was not meant as a Romantic Language. It’s just sooo ..”WARYYAAAA” and “NAYAAAAA” !!!!!

you obviously havent heard newly weds talk to each other. “abaayo macaan mustaaqbalkey batahaay” its mushy mushy!

hahaha that would be interesting thou . The southern accent is generally more mushy than the northern one - or so I’ve been told .